strings of life

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Dear blog,

This is a time of crisis in my life again that I choose to give up my accountant post. I have lost enough friends already. This post make me many sleepless night and no interest in doing anything else. From a start, I am really very excited in this new job and willing to face the challenge ahead of me. Until recently, I can see that my immediate superior is slowly giving up hope and patient in me.

From the way I ask her simple question to solve certain issue in my work, she would now make so many comment that I do not have accounting sense and lacking of experiences. And telling me that the accounts I am in-charge are actually a small account and if I cannot cope, then what can I do.

These comments are hurting. Who at first promise me that they will guide me and help me out when I face these problems. If I cannot cope with these job scope, why in the first place transfer me to do this accounts and promote me? Are these people trying to force me to resign? I begin to not trusting anyone anymore. Who can I trust? Yes, maybe only God.

The devils are attacking me all over. Will vengeance help? Must I take revenge?

I choose to me alone now. Everyone I use to trust can't be trusted. From the day of my first love. I love her. But now, where is she. Yes, I should not be so self-fish. I want her to be happy. I want her to have a good life. Then I got to choose not to see her. Not to make her flash back those beautiful memories we had together. I love her. And now still thinking of her. Maybe that because I have not yet find a replacement. I wish her to be the most blessed women in the world.

Shall I quit my job? Or shall I stay and get transfer and be demoted to do something less stressful? But I will still be lonely in that company. Because all my enemies are around me, making me sleepless, worry and angry.

God, I only trust you. Will you help me?

wishes80 :: 2:33 pm

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Sunday, September 02, 2007

Dear blog,

I want to speak, recording down what happen lately.

Seem like I am facing a punishment from God or so. I don't know what to do.

I got promoted to be an accountant. But what so proud in it, I got stress up easily, I lost my colleague, friends, and faith too.

Why has my closest friends turn into my greatest enemy over night.. Why they had gang up and making use every of my words and modified them and influence others...

Why has the world against me again. I do not want to lost this job, I had lost enough already. I want to have a good future, a good way of living, a good character, a good motivator to other, a useful being in this world who is able to share light with others.

I lost, I lost everything. I lost my patience. I lost my loved friend. and (she) defame me. Why is this happening.

I do not speak of evil in front of people, but the mind of people claim that I spoke bad word to their superior. People are watching me fall.

I want to be the happy innocent boy who has no worry of being in such a situation. Or is it I got no choice but to go through all these?

I requested for patience, and God give me situation and opportunity to show my patience.

I request for wisdom, and God give me opportunity to show my wisdom.

I am no match to God. I pray for God grace and forgiveness and guidance. I do no know what to do now. even my most trusted friends/superior seem un-trustful.

I am lonely. I wish to have someone share her life with me. Maybe I thought I found one, a single young mother, who treat me so nice and a motivator also. But recently she hate me so much which I don't even know the reason. She is now attached and I am a bit upset. Seem like I am gonna be a loner forever. I don no how long God will then provide a partner for me. I really pray so.

God please help me. My enemies are all around me mocking at me. I am losing. Please help me treat them with love and not hatred. Show them that I love them. I want them to be my good friend forever. I do not wish to curse them. God, please help me.

wishes80 :: 1:58 am

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