Dear readers,
I am suspecting that depression disease struck me. I am getting more lonely than before. Lack of interest in chatting with family members, easily angry, being hostile to friends etc. I do work out a test to see if I am really depress. And the result was moderately high depression. I wonder if I really change to be a better person after being one year old Christian. To a certain point and personal opinion, YES. Indeed I learn a lot from church sermons and Holy Bible. However, I try to be good, a good man, a good colleague, a good child, a good friend, a good social worker and a good Christian. I still failed quite a lot of what I want to become. I really pray God will change me, to a new person, with a new mind set, a new future and overcome all those bad memories that haunt me for the past years.
Where are all my friends? Are they gone? How much have I really change? Dear Almighty God, I have disgrace you today. I get impatient with my good friend and also being very hostile to a taxi driver. What have I done. I am wearing a CROSS round my neck. People can just identify me as a Christian easily. The taxi driver will see how Christian “reacted!” What have I done. I have being a stumbling block towards other people. Why I am not able to control myself. Why is my bad habits keep repeat around me. Am I going to give hope to people when I am not able to have the hope myself? Why am I keep dreaming of wanting to have a girlfriend when I know that God will definitely arrange for me one day when I am ready (or mature).
Anyway, I believe there is still hope and love. For God have already giving me the most precious grace that I need. For I know no matter what happen, God, the Father of the world is under control. For only God knows me well. He know me throughout. I cannot depend on myself, I need the Lord to lead me, to guide me, to command me, to prepare me for his work. I will overcome these. For God, I will overcome. I will be a better person, I will be strong, stronger than ever. I will follow and accept what God plan for me, for He know what is good for me and for the world. Trust Him and seek him. He will comfort me always.
Lord, I will be strong and stand firm. For you are the Lord and I am the servant. And I can only seek you and follow you and only you I love. Because you are the only God who give me life and teach me to love. Lord, please continue to teach me to love, for love is very important. Thank you.
Yes, be strong... be strong..
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Dear Reader,
Never thought of arranging music to be fun and interesting. Although it took up most of my sleeping time trying to plug “tao gay” into the finale notepad software, it is being worthy of. Never I dreamed to arrange music pieces before. Well, try to playback the arrangement of notes but the sound raw and lack harmony. But really glad as this is the first time trying out. Will try to arrange another Chinese worship song “Chuan2 Xin1 De4 Ni3” soon.
The song that completed arranging: My father's World on 8 Feb 2007.
Pray that the arrangement is fine for being play during the Holy Communion.
There are times this week that suddenly feel so lonely and neglected. Wondering where are my friends from NPCO, from NP Strings, from my fellowships? Can't find anyone to talk to. I prayed. I don't want to be a loner. My colleagues asking where I will be celebrating valentine day. I replied, no where. I do hope that I can join some of my colleagues outing. But it turned out that they seem not wanting me to join them. Feeling neglected, I prayed. Knowing that I may be lacking of sleep these few days figuring out arranging music. Time to have good rest.
Today (Sunday) seem a fruitful day. A day well spent. Morning Bible Class, then worship and fellowing, and shopping in China Town. Get to know my new brother Xian Jiang better. A nice brother from China. Sharing and exchanging our cultures with each other. Both of us buy new clothes for the coming Chinese New Year.
Lord, I really pray that you allow me to be in use to you. Let me be your servant. I want to serve you and work for you. Please keep my heart fill with passion to work for you and to learn, to serve and to give. To really know you.
I will stay calm, be strong in whatever coming ahead. To seek a closer distance to you. And focus on what you want me to think and act.
Only to trust the Lord, if not, there is no meaning in life. I don't want to waste my life. I want a meaningful life. The life God will provide me. Reader, it true!
