Dear readers,

I am suspecting that depression disease struck me. I am getting more lonely than before. Lack of interest in chatting with family members, easily angry, being hostile to friends etc. I do work out a test to see if I am really depress. And the result was moderately high depression. I wonder if I really change to be a better person after being one year old Christian. To a certain point and personal opinion, YES. Indeed I learn a lot from church sermons and Holy Bible. However, I try to be good, a good man, a good colleague, a good child, a good friend, a good social worker and a good Christian. I still failed quite a lot of what I want to become. I really pray God will change me, to a new person, with a new mind set, a new future and overcome all those bad memories that haunt me for the past years.

Where are all my friends? Are they gone? How much have I really change? Dear Almighty God, I have disgrace you today. I get impatient with my good friend and also being very hostile to a taxi driver. What have I done. I am wearing a CROSS round my neck. People can just identify me as a Christian easily. The taxi driver will see how Christian “reacted!” What have I done. I have being a stumbling block towards other people. Why I am not able to control myself. Why is my bad habits keep repeat around me. Am I going to give hope to people when I am not able to have the hope myself? Why am I keep dreaming of wanting to have a girlfriend when I know that God will definitely arrange for me one day when I am ready (or mature).

Anyway, I believe there is still hope and love. For God have already giving me the most precious grace that I need. For I know no matter what happen, God, the Father of the world is under control. For only God knows me well. He know me throughout. I cannot depend on myself, I need the Lord to lead me, to guide me, to command me, to prepare me for his work. I will overcome these. For God, I will overcome. I will be a better person, I will be strong, stronger than ever. I will follow and accept what God plan for me, for He know what is good for me and for the world. Trust Him and seek him. He will comfort me always.

Lord, I will be strong and stand firm. For you are the Lord and I am the servant. And I can only seek you and follow you and only you I love. Because you are the only God who give me life and teach me to love. Lord, please continue to teach me to love, for love is very important. Thank you.

Yes, be strong... be strong..